“Dad?”
“What?”
“Can I lie in the trunk and when we get home you get mommy to open it and I jump out and scare her?”
“That. Is. Hilarious! Wait, I’ll stop the car.”

Cockroach felt relieved when it realized it wasn’t real. What life would that have been eating trash and inducing screaming disgust in everyone you come across?

I am really sorry. I haven’t been honest with you and I am sorry you had to find out like this. You might not want me to call you anymore or give you any gifts,

“Mrs. O’Malley, we analyzed your child’s pictures and she’s messed up. She draws dysfunctional classes, severed heads, and people with genitals in their faces.”

Hi, Jenny!
:-)
Can I borrow your scarf?
:-|
Please! You’ll get it back tomorrow. I promise.
:-(
You know, I came to your play. So, you kind of still owe me.
┌П┐(►˛◄’!)

“Mom, look! This guy took the sign for our yard sale last year!”

“What? Oh, so that’s why nobody came… quick, close the browser window. He seems a little crazy.”

To set the record straight:
Disadvantages of Bamboo Flooring
- more brittle than hardwood
- comes in two colors: bamboo colored or less bamboo colored
- color fades

a was happy to work for the NSA. Yes, it meant hiding and observing people but the benefits were alright--something a did not use to have back at Sesame Street.

“Enzo wants to solve. We are looking for something that makes sounds on the beach.”
“Yas, Pet. The enswar is sax.”
“Uhhh, no. I’m sorry. That’s wrong.”
“Ew, snep!”

Or try this:
Halloween is the holiday of pedophiles. Once a year, they get their victims delivered to the door, some even pre-wrapped in sexy butterfly-costumes.